“Is it a choice, or do I have to do it?”

There was a time when I planned to be a veterinarian. I entered college as a biology major, planning to go to veterinary school after undergrad. This lasted for about six weeks... 

One ill-fated day early in my freshman year, I volunteered for the school’s blood drive. When I arrived, I was assigned the job of collecting the bags of blood from the donation stations around the large room where various beds had been arranged. Unfortunately, on my way to retrieve my first bag, I spotted blood flowing through a tube into one of said bags and promptly fainted in the middle of the room. As several healthcare professionals surrounded me, trying to make me feel better by telling me people sometimes faint after donating blood, I began to rethink my future as a veterinarian.

I share this story to illustrate just how much I dislike blood and any medical task involving blood or needles. So it should come as no surprise that when it came time for Duncan’s surgeries, I was just a bit squeamish about what I might see and have to do. The initial days in the hospital were particularly rough. As the nurses tried to manage his pain while balancing the impact those medications could have on his overall recovery, I focused on trying to support him emotionally. I witnessed a lot, but could also rely on the doctors, nurses, and healthcare technicians to take care of his medical needs while he was there.

After a few days, however, things began to shift. As the nurse was giving Duncan the daily blood thinner shot they’d started after surgery, she asked if I would like to do it. I wasn’t sure why she would ask me that, but politely declined the invitation. The next day, she posed the same question. At this point, I asked, “Is it a choice, or do I have to do it?”

It was then that she explained he would need one of these shots in his stomach every day for a month, and I would be the one to give them to him. I was less than thrilled to hear that, as was Duncan, who has a considerable fear of needles. So, I shoved down my fear and disgust at the idea of sticking a needle into his stomach, and learned how to do it. I practiced a few more times in the hospital, then went home and took on this duty for the next month, even training his best friend to do it when he came to help for a few days.

Regardless of my comfort level with medical tasks, I had to get over my aversions and do what needed to be done. Caregivers often take on complex medical tasks with very little training, whether they truly feel comfortable doing them or not. This can be an especially hidden aspect of caregiving, and it can take a toll.

Ideas to consider: