Life after cancer means living with uncertainty... uncertain if it will be a bad side effects day, uncertain if the cancer will come back, uncertain when that might be, uncertain if it could be worse this time, and uncertain what it could mean for the future. All of that uncertainty can understandably lead to worry, frustration, and anxiety; and it sometimes does.

However, as we've moved further into the time after treatments and surgeries, I find myself better able to cope with uncertainty. Even without cancer in the mix, we all navigate uncertainty. There's just something about cancer that magnifies it. Maybe it's because the stakes are so high and the experience is so hard. Regardless, every day after that diagnosis is made brings an element of uncertainty. At the same time, my experience supporting my family through my husband's diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship has changed my relationship with uncertainty and with time.

I'd be lying if I said my worry has disappeared. The tension in my muscles certainly tells a different story. However, I find myself drawn into the present far more than I have in the past, trying to pause several times a day to take in simple joys like spring blossoms beginning to bloom, birdsong overhead on a walk with my dog, or a moment when we're all laughing as we watch The Good Place while we eat dinner.

Each time Duncan has a clean scan, we get another six months. Six months to be together... Six months away from the oncologist's office... Six months of living our new normal... Six precious months of time with our kids. Each clean scan gives us the gift of time.

While there is still lots of "hard" within those six months, there's also much relief, gratitude, joy, peace, and opportunities to revel in the simple, easily overlooked ordinary pleasures of sharing everyday experiences with each other and seeing the world from a perspective we wouldn't have had if we hadn't gone through everything we have.

I now live in six month increments of time, coexisting with uncertainty, trying to stay in the present as much as possible, and not planning too far ahead. As we await scan results in the coming weeks, I am left hoping for six more months...